So, let’s continue… When I was around 15 or so, my aunt got me involved with Relay For Life. Nothing big, we just used to go at about 3am-6am, walk around the track a few times, and show our support. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it. Now, we’ll come back to that. So as I said, in high school, I was becoming an apathetic overweight malicious prankster who would periodically throw tantrums, that’s right, TANTRUMS, if he didn’t get his own way. Looking back on it now, it’s pretty disgusting to see that younger me. As I graduated from high school, things didn’t get much better. In fact, they became a bit worse. I went to community college, played World of Warcraft in the back of the room in every single one of my classes, and failed, I’d say, all but the ones I liked, which was like maybe 3 out of the 4 semesters that I went. This, understandably, displeased quite a few people in my household. And with that, I dropped out completely.
2008 now. Working full-time, becoming a bit better since I dropped out, oddly enough. And this is the year when I slowly started to make a turn around. First… I quit WoW. Completely. I struggled but I did manage to cancel the account and never look back. Second, I joined my step-dads’ work’s Relay For Life team and became, proudly, a big contributor to it. The first year I did it, I walked 10 laps and raised $700 alone. That was kinda what sparked the volunteering thing… I realized how much I enjoyed giving back, even more so than taking… which is what I had been doing for 19 years of my life. So after that year’s Relay event was over, I started getting involved with other charities… I started working at soup kitchens and by late August, I had signed up for the Big Brothers of America program (which to this day, I’m still matched with my Little and meet with him every Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Sundays). And at the end of 2008, about November, and now peaked at my 315 lbs unfortunately, I realized what I thought I finally wanted to do: Join the Marines. I know, laughable without a doubt, with my medical history and weight. But I was determined and I knew I now had the right mindset. So I set out on my own mission to, at the very least, get to that 207 lb cut off limit and then go from there. I signed up at a gym, talked with a dietitian about a meal plan, and followed it to a tee. I went to the gym 3-4 hours, 3 times a week. By the beginning of June of 2009, I was 215 lbs. I couldn’t believe it. And that year at our Relay for Life event, I walked a total of 30 laps (15 miles) and raised $1k. I pressed on and in a few weeks, I contacted a recruiter. And he gave me the bad news. Using a meter-dose inhaler after the age of 12 is an automatic disqualifier for any branch of the military. I broke down… For awhile. Then I realized, I was down but not out. I wrote a letter to congress, with pictures attached to show them what I had done and what I had done it for. They gave me a nice little “we regret to inform you… but congratulations” type letter back to me.
So I had hit another rut. Until one day, my mom and I were in the car and she seriously asked me what I wanted to do with my life. I replied that I wanted to help people. She suggested something in social services. I replied with I didn’t want to be a paper pusher. And she asked me how I wanted to help them exactly… And I said I wanted to save people, literally save them. And at that point, it just kinda clicked. And I was as determined to become an EMT as I was to lose the 124 lbs.
I want to explain something real quick before I continue on. It really angers and depresses me to look back on myself on who I was just 2 years ago. It wasn’t just the weight, it was the whole mentality I had. That kid was legitimately a horrendous terrible person. So now, I feel obligated to, I dunno, I guess “redeem” myself for all the shit I put people through. I started with my parents and now am just trying to rebuild bridges with others who I’ve affected. It’s not easy to undo damage, especially 19 years of it… But it’s worth doing. Volunteering is great this way… I’ve never felt more alive doing something and something meaningful at that. I’ve been asked the sole question as to why I just want to be a volunteer EMT and not get paid for it… Sure, I’ve given bullshit excuses like “Well my job needs me and I get paid well at that” or “I’m not confident enough for a paid position” or even “There’s no paid positions in my area.”… The truth is this: I don’t -want- to get paid for it. I’m not trying to be all high and mighty or any of that bullshit, but for me, this is a way for me to grow as a person with no strings attached, monetarily-wise. EMS is probably the best way to redeem myself for all the bullshit I’ve pulled throughout the years and that’s payment enough. Maybe I’m naive. But this is the mindset I like to have going into it. If I find, possibly down the road to becoming a medic, that I’ve redeemed myself enough, to my liking, then yea, I might consider a paid position. But until then, no. I like it this way.
Enough with the history lesson… This is me, cliffnotes version at least.
A little side-note… I’m now captain of my Relay For Life team.
Stay tuned…
Pic: Top, me in Nov of ’09, Bottom, me in Nov of ’08
With determination and the will of the human spirit anything can be achieved. your story is a prime example of that. I understand where you are coming from when you say why you choose to be a volunteer EMT. But I also think that with being a volunteer there is a different attitude you bring. If you ever do one day get with a paid service, never lose that “attitude”.